Zim the Outcast
by sikeokilla
Summary: AU ZAGR. Zim is an aimless earth dweller with few working plans and fewer friends. Gaz and Dib are the product of a mad-irken's dream of galactic conquest free of the tallest' shadows. Tak is an assassin with high ambitions. Computer, Skoodge, Gir, Mimi, and Minimoose are all themselves with slight twists on character design and background.
1. Chapter 1

A black hooded figure steps onto pristine white tiles marred with slight cracks in a florescent spotlight that seems to flicker every five seconds. He raises his arms and begins to speak. "Welcome denizens of earth to the most morbidly cheerful place on earth. Now I can already here the questions you're all asking." 'Is it Nny's basement?' Nope. 'Is it an american mall's food court (A.K.A. The court of obesity)?' Uh uh. 'Will there be cake?' You don't have to sneak any nail files past our guards, they're DEAD lousy at their jobs. Ha ha ehee hee hee haaa! Ah, but back to the point. For all those of you who don't know I'm the sikeokilla and this is the discreet funeral morgue. Where we clean up loose ends for discounted prices. Want a name drop? Well a certain celebrity loves his hookers... but they don't seem to live through the experience of his love. Not that the news ever picks up on our 'disposal services'. But once more I'm rambling. You didn't come here to hear me talk. You came to hear a tale. And what a story I have for you today bats and ghouls. What a story indeed. We begin in an alternate universe. Some might say parallel whilst others claim it's perpendicular but the truth is that it's a separate subsequent in that it neither crosses nor follows the plot of the original Invader Zim story line completely."

* * *

Act I: Invasion means confusion.

* * *

Chapter I: Two whole worlds of misunderstanding.

* * *

One fine sunny summer day all of the children of happy harbor village were playing their mind-numbingly stupid games in the hot ultraviolet waves. Well, almost all of them. Three of the neighborhood children were missing from the pitiful action. One of said children was boring his eyes into the children. His red irises silently taunted their idiotic antics whilst he wished that his eyes could fire lazers through the kneecap of one particularly pudgy child he was glaring at.

He gave a loud exaggerated sigh "How much LONGER Computer?"

A sound like a snarl trapped between exasperation and boredom came from the other side of the dimly lit purple and green walled living room. "Zim if I've told you once I've told you a billion times. Technology is not instantaneous even in hands as capable as mine it still takes time. You can't rush genius..."

The green skinned human grabbed his ears and began yelling at the four eyed teen who was tapping furiously at the keyboard. "Blah blah blah. I've only heard this speech like twenty times. When's it gonna be done already?"

Computer got up and crossed to the overstuffed purple couches far right cushion (closest to the front door) and plopped down. Grabbing the remote he replied offhandedly, "I'm finished. Go ahead and have your fun."

Zim leapt from his stoop and zipped across the room springing into the cushy leather swivel chair and allowing it to slide his lower half under the desk for him. He swirled the mouse around frantically. "Finally all the CIA's secrets are mine for the taking. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" His evil grin stayed plastered on his face for a good three minutes before it drooped into a frown. "Bah there's nothing here. The public is just as stupid as the officials. The only good thing here is a deep space photo of an extraterrestrial craft. And even that's not solid Intel."

"So much for world domination plan number four hundred and seventy four. I'll file it under G for government."

Zim fell into a slouch and slunk over to the far left cushion. "So what else is new?"

"Well school starts next month. Gir skipped two grades so he'll be a freshman. Of course I'm finally a senior. Aren't you becoming a sophomore?"

Zim groaned "Please don't remind me. I'm surprised you signed Gir up at all though he misses so much school."

"Yeah but the teachers mark him present whether he's there or not because of his above average intelligence as well as his habit of blackmailing any of the teachers who oppose him."

"Not that anyone would be able to tell he's intelligent under normal circumstances."

"Not from talking to him, no." Computer finger combed his messy brown locks as he looked left and right "Speaking of Gir shouldn't he back by now?"

"He's only been gone a couple months. Don't worry he'll be..."

At that moment there came a sudden loud humming that vibrated the whole of the cul-de-sac. Zim and Computer got up and strode towards the window in unison. Staring out they found Gir being led out of a stretch limousine that seemed to be the cause of the violent tremors. Two beautiful girls were giggling at something Gir had said as the limo drove off and the shaking faded. Gir turned to face the house. His trademark green dog hat on his head (Sewn from a torn stuffed animal that Zim decapitated) and blonde hair covering one of his cyan colored eyes. He waved hello to each of the four gnomes and knocked over the black flamingo trying to give it a high five.

He barged into the house. Slapped some large bills down on the coffee table between the tv and the couch and marched into the kitchen before disappearing into a cabinet on a "quest" to find waffle mix.

Computer and zim returned to their seats on the couch and Computer began channel surfing. "Thanks for putting us off the grid Zim it really helps to have your own power and water...and heat."

"Well you and Gir bring in money all the time it's the least I could do to pitch in. I love you guys."

Computer smirked, "Nice try but your still not getting your nuclear powered jet car back."

"Aw come on."

"No even I'm not allowed to drive yet. Well technically I could take the test but it's probably best to wait until I can legally be called your guardian. So you aren't getting back your transportation until after I lift the low profile status."

"Ugh fine. But can I at least get the Package-shaped Adapting Control Konsole back."

"That's rough stuff and you know it. Tell you what I'll give it to you next week when you turn fifteen."

Zim sighed he couldn't wait to get back to fiddling in his lab.

* * *

Across the galaxy...

* * *

Irk was a war driven planet that lost many of it's denizens in sexual activities and bloodshed. The tallest irkens were put in power but staying there was all about pleasing the people. And dead irkens made for bad moral so they hired a new chief of science to try and remedy some of the problems on Irk. The scientist was called Brane and he was quite brilliant indeed. Easily identifiable by his large orange eyes and his fat antennae which touched one another and came up over his head in an oddly arched right angle. He developed better defense technology and soon the irken armada was outfitted with powerful world-shattering cannons and every soldier had top of the line offensive weapons. Brane's devices could even outclass vortian machinery. But soon it came time to fix the irken birthing problem and Brane became worrisome. He tried almost everything he could think of. He tried decreasing the pain of labor, he tried making the fetuses smaller, he even tried making super toast. Then one day it came to him. Why birth at all? He set to work creating a new system for cloning irkens.

His first clone was somewhat successful. There was only one problem, it was insane. So Brane set about making a way to control and monitor brain function among the clones. He developed what he called the "control branes" to monitor clones and carry out the cloning process. The first Irken to be born this way was a female with a hot temper and antennae that fell down to her shoulders before jutting out in a jagged pattern on either side of her head. The professor took these two clones before the entire irken population and explained his success to them. They were delighted and the tallest were given all of the credit for the scientist's triumphs.

This angered Brane deeply and so he decided that he would build his own empire. But he would do so with subtlety in mind. So as to not raise suspicion with the tallests. He mounted a special control brane in his living quarters and programmed it to monitor but not control his first two creations. He set about preparing a ship for them and set it adrift with programming to instruct and train his prodigal progeny.

With their creators transmissions received weekly they trained and studied hard to become capable of doing his bidding. The two grew up in the pod slowly drifting towards their first objective A planet that Brane wanted them to conquer in his name. A giant ball of dirt and water on the fringes of known space. He called it earth.

As the small orb grew nearer and nearer the children grew restless and awaited their arrival.

"At last," the male whispered under his breath as his arch of antennae shook with the shuddering of their entrance into the atmosphere. "we're finally going to begin." The squinting female made no sign that she'd even heard her companion speak and so he continued. "Remember the plan though Gaz. Infiltration then slow enslavement. With the equipment that Brane gave us we should have this world on it's knees within a week. And then we'll be heroes and the irken armada will welcome us back with the thanks that we deserve..." He paused as the girl grunted.

"Fifteen years I've been stuck with you in this pod and I felt an aging effect that the other clones don't get. As soon as we finish here Brane promised to hook us back up to the regular control branes. Then we'll age like normal irkens. Until then any time I spend listening to you blab is a second closer to death by aging. Irkens don't die by aging it's disgraceful. So shut up and sit down Dib." She lay back on the couch and waited.

Little did they know that they were being followed by a personal assassin of the tallests. Sent to take out Branes deluded dreams of making an empire before his freaks could even take their first backwater dirtball. The purple eyed killer made her transmission but had to leave a message because the machine picked up. "Targets in sight. They'll be dead by lunch my tallests. And then we can take this planet for our own cultivation. Glory to the Irken empire. Tak out."

* * *

Phew done. So tell me what you thought and I'll get back to it in about a week or so. P.s. Skoodge and Mimi will be introduced later along with some of the other missing cast members.


	2. Train tracks are crunchy

"I feel like jamming this pencil into my brain." Zim moaned as he stared at the instrument in question. The teacher was droning on about the proper use of some literary device or another. The green boy's hand shot up "Mister Elliot?"

"Yes wonderful student did you have a question concerning the lesson?"

"Actually I did. WHO THE HELL CARES!?"

A normal teacher would have frowned, Ms. Bitters would have growled and used her demonic powers to blot out the light around the student for the remainder of the period. Mr. Elliot simply smiled more broadly. "Awww does someone need a hug?" he trilled with a lilt in his voice.

Zim shuddered, he would've preferred Ms. Bitters reaction to this. Zim's red centered eyes narrowed to slits "Come near me and I'll ventilate your throat you sick fuck."

"Perhaps you should stay after school today to think about what you've done." Mr. Elliot stated with a grin.

"Why can't you just say that you're punishing me with detention?"

"Words like that are so negative I prefer to give you a positive reminder of how you are required to behave on school grounds."

"Mr. Elliot you can put as much sugar on this turd as you want but it won't magically turn into a piece of candy."

Mr. Elliot just shrugged and resumed his mind-numbing lesson as if there had been no outburst at all, not that the rest of the mindless drones in the classroom would have noticed. Zim sighed if only their legal guardian hadn't disappeared he could be getting his college degree at this very moment. His mind drifted back to the day "it" happened.

* * *

Five years ago

* * *

The day began as normally as any other day Gir was missing and Zim's father was giving Computer his morning pep talk. He came in to Zim's room. "Are you ready son?"

Zim had been ready for weeks. He leaped up in his eagerness to get out the door.

"Calm down son. It's not like the lab is going to leap up and run away." his dad chuckled running his gloved hand through his own head of spiked up jet black hair.

Zim practically vibrated with energy. "I know I'm just so excited."

They finally arrived at ten till ten. Zim's father swiped his key card and they both said hello to the security guard, Rob. They continued down the narrow hall to the decontamination room where they were sprayed down with a clear misty substance. From there they continued to the main event, the lab. There were unfinished prototypes locked in plexiglass cases all throughout the room. Every table was covered in blueprints and countless sheets covered in neatly divided notes. At the far end of the lab was a metallic shell with glowing ports and several working mechanisms on the inside as well as a tube of an unidentifiable substance glowing bright blue. Zim ran up to it and looked down.

His father walked up behind him. "You like that one huh?"

Zim was nearly speechless staring at the item Somewhere in him there was a deep yearning from inside his body. "What is it?"

"It's a Package-shaped Adapting Control Konsole. I got the idea from your mother actually. God rest her soul."

The next moments were all a blur of a memory to Zim the only part he really remembered was waking up with rubble being pulled off of him and gazing to his left only to see his father's lifeless eyes.

* * *

Back to the present

* * *

The only thing he'd been able to swipe unnoticed were the P.A.C.K. blueprints. He'd neglected to tell anyone that he'd taken them from the lab. Not even Computer knew. Zim came back to his senses as the bell rang. He slung his bag across his shoulder and stood up only to be knocked down.

"Out of my way freak." a burly red haired teen yelled at him kicking Zim in the stomach to emphasize his point. As the rest of the class filed past they all had a good chortle. Zim got up groaning. Everyday he had to deal with the same stupid shit.

"Nice ears weirdo. "

"You look like an orc fucked an elf."

"Those can't be your real eyes."

He was so tired of all these stupid kids with their horrible questions and their terrible taunts. Well he sighed maybe the class after lunch would yield a more life changing course of events.

* * *

Meanwhile...

* * *

A boy with blue irises, no ears, no nose, and green skin stood outside of what was obviously a hovering space craft. He was wearing a large wig with a right angle of hair jutting out of it at a very odd angle. He also wore green combat boots, a trench coat with the irken insignia on it, a pair of black tights, and a shirt with a blue face with a nutral gaze forever plastered onto it. "Come on Gaz we can't be late for training on our first day!" Dib yelled from just outside the ships open bay door.

"We already are late Dib-shit." The amber eyed irken growled back.

"Don't remind me. Look just slap on some human clothes pop in the contact lenses and throw on a wig. Why should that take so long?!"

"Look I'm posing as a female earthling It's harder to set up than yours is."

"Gazelene..."

She cut across whatever he was about to say with a glare and a snarl "Never call me that only one person get's to call me that." She stepped out of the ship dressed in a short black dress, a pair of black and grey striped tights, wearing a very oddly shaped wig that looked like pacman had a child with a square. Her combats had buckles all the way up to her knee and her contact lenses concealed all but a human iris sized sliver of her naturally honey colored eyes. "Let's just get on with this mission shall we?"


	3. Chapter 3

"...so in conclusion. The answer to world peace is the eradication of all life. The murder of every human being on the face of the planet is not enough. Evolution would eventually reinstate a so called advanced intelligence. Hell why stop with just the living breathing beings. I say just to be safe...we burn it all." Zim finished his report with a satisfied grin.

A pair of hands smacked each other with deafening force from the teachers desk and Zim could distinctly hear his teacher purring. "Thank you horrible child number 23 for that fantastic explanation of world peace. You may take your seat and return to your boring life."

Zim strode to his desk and sat down continuing the blueprints for the modifications he was going to make to the pak when he finally got it back. 'I love philosophy class.' the boy thought.

A knock at the classroom door brought Zim's attention out of his own head and riveted the rest of the classes attention away from the current report. In walked a man with a black goatee and a head full of messy black hair. Just below his hairline one could easily discern a blackened scar with obvious stitching lines.

"What do you want Mr. Dwicky? We are in the middle of ignoring this troubled child's obvious cry for help." Ms. Bitters snarled.

Even as the teen began to cry Mr. Dwicky was still smiling. " I just thought that I would personally escort your two new students to class." Mr. Dwicky stepped aside to reveal two fresh faces to the class. Both of these faces happened to be green of course but it was obvious that they would not be getting the same treatment as Zim.

One of the new kids was a boy who took the class in with an interested glance about, almost as though he were studying them. His jacket stank of jet fuel and his boots screamed military deployment. The girls in the class were instantly taken by his heroic stance and the nonchalant manor in which he used it.

Then there was the girl. She had a cold and uncaring stare that told Zim that she was not to be trifled with. Her stance spoke of a long history of martial artistry that never left the surface. On top of all that she was easy on the eyes and Zim suspected that she didn't know it. He also suspected that she had never had to deal with such a fact before due to the aggressively nervous way she kept glaring at the slack jawed boys in the classroom.

Zim did a double take to assure himself that the new arrivals completions were not merely a trick of the light. They were green skinned, just like him. Maybe he wasn't such a freak after all. He could hardly contain his excitement as he hastened to capture the two on paper. The whole world fell into the background until his paper, his pencil, and his subjects were the only things left.

...

Gaz Perspective

...

"Class say hello to your new doomed classmates." The old bat in the corner growled and was met with a swift response from the class.

"Hello and welcome to our classroom." The class cheered with an enthusiasm that caught the two off guard. There was only one boy who didn't bother giving this greeting. This is what attracted Gaz's attention to him almost immediately. She couldn't see much of him behind the large sketchpad that he was obviously scrawling upon.

Ms. Bitters started talking again "Thank you for that outstanding welcome class. Now class drone numbers 52 and 53 please make a quick and short introduction and then select your seats."

Dib stepped up to speak before his new peers first. Gaz resisted the urge to roll her eyes and sneer, she hated that gung ho attitude.

Dib smiled, "Well my name is Dib and I find extraterrestrial lifeforms fascinating." his sly look spoke of an inside joke but Gaz could see his eyes raking over the rows of students. That idiot was going to ruin the whole plan with his odd fascination. Gaz growled softly to let Dib know to shut up. "But enough about me everyone, who would like to hear about my awesome sister." Dib began walking away to pick a seat before she even had time to protest.

Gaz looked at the sea of faces staring up at her expecting an introduction. Some of the boys had their hands up. This time she really did roll her eyes. "It was a rhetorical question you idiots." When they just stared blankly she sighed heavily "Just put your hands down." She waited until they were finished complying and then went on to the introduction. "My name is Gazelene and if you value your pathetic lives you will leave me alone." She narrowed her eyes at the male students who were staring. She tried to cover her exposed body parts however she quickly gave up on this endeavor and settled for glaring. "And if you guys want to keep your body parts intact you will stop staring at me."

Most of the boys in class averted their eyes away from her feminine curves at this, however one hulking neanderthal in the front row didn't quite get the message. "Hey baby that skirt would look great crumpled up at the end of my bed."

Gaz was about to advance upon this moron when Dib pseudo coughed to stop her. She saw a seat near the back of class that looked dimly lit and decided to go for it. As she was making her way past the ape-like child she felt a pinching sensation on her rear. A smacking sound rang out followed by a heavy thud. Gaz looked around just in time to see the inattentive student returning behind his sketch pad.

A whooshing sound announced the large teens decent to what the teaching drone made reference to as the "underground classrooms". As she sat down next to her unnecessary defender she attempted to catch his eye in vain. She couldn't make anything out about him and yet when she looked over at Dib she could see the oddest look on his face. Dib's expression was caught somewhere between amusement and disbelief. At that moment the bell rang and Gaz lost sight of the unknown boy in the surging crowd of students. When all of the crowd had left aside from the two invaders Gaz found a drawing on the ground near her desk. As Dib approached her she lifted the paper up to her eye level. It was a schematic for an oddly constructed PAK.

A voice came from the doorway to the classroom "Well well this changes things substantially."

The siblings turned to see a face they were well accustomed with. Dib and Gaz both drew their blasters and took aim at the being before them. The irken female waved her hands at them. Dib was the one to speak, "Hold it right there Tak."

"Well it's obvious that my reputation precedes me. But I'm willing to make a little deal with you. And trust me that doesn't happen very often" She said narrowing her eyes to purple slits.

Dib's blaster lowered an inch "What exactly could we possibly possess that could entice you into giving up the bounty on our heads?"

Tak grinned, "Funny you should ask. You two planned on taking this planet for your creator. I want in on the deal...and you can throw in that oddity that I just saw and we'll call it even."

Gaz was about to ask what she meant when Dib cut over her. "Well I don't want it but it's taken a bit of a liking to Gaz." He turned to Gaz "What do you think little sister?"

Gaz glared, "I told you never to call me that, and I don't know what you keep referring to. What oddity are we promising her?"

Dib chuckled a little, "The half-irken who put that large child on the ground with a single punch. So odd to find a half breed here of all places. I would have thought Grothka would have been the one place."

Gaz mulled it over in her head, "I'd like to see what kind of person he is before I hand his leash over to you. I'd rather see what he can do."

Tak smiled "Fine you can keep your mate fo choice I wasn't really interested."

"He's not my ma..." Gaz began before being interrupted.

"Regardless, are the two of you willing to share and play nice with this ball of filth?"

Dib looked to Gaz and she nodded her head. "We are so long as you report our deaths."

Tak grinned "Deal. Now can me and my SIR catch a ride with you two to your base?"

"Why can't you make your own base?" Gaz questioned the bounty hunter.

"I don't have any of my equipment thanks to my ships collision with a human building and I was forced to make it self destruct due to the short length of time I needed to repair it."

Gaz was about to tell her to find her own damn place when Dib agreed. He would pay for that later. "I say that we use the half-breed freak to get information on this planet. If anyone will be interested in talking to us it'll be him. Trapped on this rock without a friendly face should have starved him for familiar company."


End file.
